I don’t know about you, but I am the kind of person who doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings. However, I hate being told what to do, how to play a game, how to do something properly.

Do I have a problem with authority? No… I would cooperate with official entities if they ordered me to.

Would I do what my mother tells me to do? Probably not. And is there something wrong with that? No, I think that’s quite mainstream.

But it all relies on how I choose to react, knowing what I like or dislike.

My problem is: even when I don’t like something, I keep it for myself and end up feeling frustrated. I’m trying to work on that but why is it so hard?

I keep thinking: treat the others the way you want to be treated. And most of the time, I keep that promise. But other people don’t. So why should I?

I am learning to speak my mind in all situations now. It doesn’t matter if you’re my friend, my family, my lover or his mother. It looks so easy when other people do it.

Then why am I feeling so guilty after telling my entourage that I don’t like being told how to play a game?

Social media told us : “be who you are, don’t mind what other people think”. I believe it is a great mindset.

But what about taking responsibility?

How to cope with the guilt? Was it worth ruining everybody’s night just because I wanted to speak my mind?

I killed the mood the very second I said “I actually don’t like being told what to do”. And now everybody is looking at me weirdly. “What a fucking mood killer”.

I wonder if that ever happens to other people. How do you handle it? Am I weird for feeling this way? Am I too empathetic? Why do I care so much when others manage to just shrug it off?

Does anybody else feel this way?

The Author / L'Auteure

Jane

I’m a twenty-something french-african digital marketer passionate with travel, video games, technology. I write about my experience as a woman, as a black woman, as a woman at work, as a black woman at work, as a black woman who travels… Well, I think you get it, and I hope you can relate to my stories because I write to empower and inspire other women to share theirs.

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