I’m not gonna lie, India wasn’t in my top 10 must-visit countries. But when my friend announced her last minute indian wedding in Mumbai. I could recognize a once in a lifetime opportunity. After days of bargaining, I convinced Daniel, my German boyfriend to get out of his comfort zone and join me on his first trip out of Europe!

You won’t get to see stylish pictures in this post, I didn’t have time for that! Our main goal was to attend the wedding of my French friend and her Indian boyfriend, but it became a challenge as we only had 10 days to make the most of our trip. We were determined to see the sights and experience the Indian lifestyle in Mumbai and Hyderabad.

I can already tell you that it could only happen because of the beautiful love story and invitation I got from my friends Tiphanie and Sanjay. In a way, I hope this post will show you my eternal gratitude. Thank you for giving Daniel and I this amazing opportunity. Now get a cup of tea, because I have a lot to say.

My first impressions of Mumbai

It reminds me of Benin. No joke : the hot and humid weather, the agitated streets and the yellow auto rickshaws made me feel immediately comfortable. That being said, Mumbai and Hyderabad are among the richest cities in India, so they’re quite developed compared to the rest of India and especially to my home country. I was pleasantly surprised by the city’s eye catching Victorian Gothic architecture, but saw a contrast with the broken roads and run down buildings.

The traffic situation in Bombay is so insane, that I would never dare drive a car myself. My feeling was that the roads are busy, with cars, motorcycles and rickshaws and trucks battling. Everybody wants to drive with priority, so you better have solid nerves when sitting on the back seat. 

Rickshaws were my favorite short distance means of transportation, but taking them requires that you trust your driver. Unlike Daniel, I was confident that we would stay alive. 

What struck me the most in Mumbai’s traffic is their culture of honking. Even when the traffic lights are red, people don’t stop honking. I found it amusing but it’s an issue that the Mumbai Police is trying to solve in order to reduce noise pollution.

Unlike Daniel who experienced a cultural shock, I really felt good and excited to see more. I was extremely happy to be there and in perfectly good hands too, as the groom and bride picked us up from the airport and took us to the “hotel” we had booked prior to arrival.

Accommodation in Mumbai: from disaster hotel to comfy Airbnb

The supposedly “hotel” we had booked was located in a rich neighborhood in Mumbai, close to Sanjay’s family. It looked decent online (and overpriced), so imagine our shock when we discovered a sketchy, dilapidated building upon arrival.

Out of curiosity, we still went inside to take a look and were taken to a tiny elevator that led us to our “room”. A humid, smelly and dirty place that no one in their right mind would stay in, unless they had no choice.

It’s all good. We hadn’t paid in advance and didn’t commit to staying anyway, so this could be easily fixed. Thank God! We pretested that we would come back in the afternoon and sneaked out with our luggage. Eventually, the groom’s family welcomed us with open arms and let us rest from our 15h trip from Paris. We easily and quickly found a nearby Airbnb to move in on the very next day.

Airbnb fulfilled our expectations as the area, room cleanliness and service were impeccable. Unlike any other airbnb experience I’ve had before, we had a “caretaker”. It was like having a babysitter who stayed in the apartment 24/7 to ensure our comfort and the safety of the place. 

While we were sleeping in our room, Rajendra (that was his name) slept in the living room. This was so peculiar that I wondered: does he have a family whom he goes to? What does he do when we’re out? Is his job to solely take care of tourists like us? I regret not asking, but communicating with him was difficult as he only spoke Hindi. However, he was so nice, that we booked the same Airbnb for our first 3 and last 2 days in Mumbai.

Indian food: Hot, Spicy and Generous

Everybody knows that Indian food is amazing. But I was not ready for REAL Indian food. Clearly, Indian restaurants in Europe have been adjusting to our fragile taste buds all that time. I couldn’t handle the spiciness and each bite of literally everything I ate was spicy. I thought I was immune, I’m African! But somehow, my “couldn’t be more white” boyfriend perfectly managed and loved it.

The good news is that we could ask most restaurants and street foods to make our food more bland, but that didn’t work out every time. I also didn’t expect to be served such generous portions of food when eating out. 

Hyderabad’s Paradise Biryani is famous for their Chicken Biryani which I absolutely loved. In Mumbai, I enjoyed the Green Curry Rice of Mirchi and Mime, a bar and restaurant where employees are hearing impaired. They are very friendly and even offer a crash course in sign language. That place became my soft spot. But my best culinary experience was Sanjay’s mom’s Aloo Puri and Chai, which taste I am still trying to recreate.  

Shopping as a tourist in India

The people I’ve met in general were welcoming and helpful whether it was at the restaurant, or anywhere else. But the downside of being a tourist is the risk of getting scammed.

I expected to be scammed, but this shoemaker repaired my sandals, for 40 INR.

Before seeing this shoemaker, I consulted my Indian friends about the cost of the service, and they told me exactly 40 INR. It broke my heart that he didn’t ask for more although I was a tourist. I’m telling you this because I got scammed several times. But I don’t make it a big deal and I’m going to tell you why.

The first time I spotted a coconut water salesman, I stopped him and got one for 100 Rupees only to find out later that I should have paid 15 Rupees. So I paid about €1,20 instead of €0,18. For me, it is not a big deal because I can afford it. It might sound stupid or naive, but if that money can help people, then I don’t mind being scammed. Of course, it’s wrong to make tourists pay more than locals and you should be careful with the prices you pay, but I am an advocate for not overreacting to minor scams.

That said, when buying actual services like rickshaws or goods like souvenirs or clothes, I was inflexible and always used my bargaining skills, which by the way, worked almost every single time. In India, and despite the confusing Indian nod or head shake, you should systematically bargain. I once left a store for the sake of bargaining and the owner ran after me to give in. Most of the time, price tags are not the definitive price. Besides this, you should beware of beggar and taxi scams.

Attending a traditional indian wedding

I feel so lucky to have experienced the highlights of my trip: a traditional Indian wedding. But not just any: we had a Hindu Telugu wedding, which is celebrated by the Telugu people from the states of Andhra Pradesh and Telangana in India. As part of the Indian culture and wedding traditions, the union was celebrated at different occasions. 

On the pre-wedding day, we had the Mehandi event where the bridal party (including me) prepared and got intricate henna patterns drawn on our hands and feet.

On the wedding day, our French bride transformed with ornaments and floral garlands in her hair, bangles, jewels, outstanding tailored traditional sari and of course, henna on her arms and feet. I know, stunning right?

During the ring exchange ceremony celebrated by close relatives and family, we played a game where the spouses’ families took a side and teased each other to take a step forward so the spouses can meet in the middle. 

Next, we had the Telugu traditional wedding ceremony where we witnessed several wedding rituals. I am no Indian wedding expert, so I did some research to figure out what some of them mean (please feel free to correct me if necessary).

The above is the Mangala Snanam ritual, where both bride and groom are given a holy bath with turmeric water to cleanse their body and mind before the sacred ritual of becoming one.

The JeelaKarra Bellam : it starts by giving a paste of cumin and jaggery on the hands of the couple. The couple places this paste on each other’s heads, moving their hands above the curtain. This is the point at which the couple is now officially man and wife and the curtain separating them is then removed (Terasala). The paste of Cumin and Jaggery (Jellakara and Bellam) indicate that the couple will stick together through the bitter and sweet phases of life. 

For the most fun ritual of the Indian wedding: the Talambralu, the bride and groom pour rice mixed with turmeric on each other’s head like a shower. This is supposed to represent the happiness and prosperity of the marriage. Following that, we also witnessed the Kanyadanam meaning “giving away of the bride which is the ceremony where the bride’s family officially gives her hand to the groom.

If you want to have memorable pictures of your wedding, hire Indian photographers! The atmosphere was exceptional, with several photographs hired to cover the event and the husband and wife were asked to pose for pictures at many occasions. Too many occasions… I know you’re thinking it doesn’t sound special. But believe me, Indian weddings are at another level of taking pictures! I’m not gonna criticize anyone, I was a paparazzo myself.

This wedding was exceptionally romantic, colorful, meaningful and beautiful. We experienced first class hospitality and kindness from the groom’s (large) family who made us feel welcome and special. The interracial character of the wedding also played a part in its uniqueness as we witnessed both families meet and overcome their cultural differences. What more does the world need? It was simply fascinating.

How safe I felt as a woman in India

I had zero fear before going to India but I think Daniel came along mainly because he was worried about me being female, in a country that is said to be dangerous for women. Saying I felt safe 100% of the time would be a lie. When we arrived in Hyderabad, where the wedding was happening, the news reported that an Indian woman was ganged raped and burned to death 2 days before. How would you react to that?

It made me a little paranoid because it happened in the same city and very recently. I was probably very safe in my hotel room, but still felt the urge to double check on locking the door whenever I came in alone. Then again, ensuring your safety is a basic rule when traveling. In the end, nothing made me feel in danger or threatened during the whole trip.

From what I saw in Mumbai and Hyderabad, India seems to be mostly a patriarchal society. Thankfully, some men and boys are unlearning sexism.

But I got upset when I came across this ad. As a feminist, I don’t think promoting “man force” in a sexual context will help destroy the rape culture.

Isn’t it hypocritical for a country with a conservative side to tell women to ensure their own safety (by being careful and dressing up a certain way) and encourage men to get “man force” for a happy sexual life?

Being a black woman in India

If you didn’t know, racism in India is a thing. A lot of Africans are students who are stereotyped as drug dealers, thieves and even cannibals simply because of the color of their skin. Yes that’s fucked up. So when you are a black traveler, you must do your homework and consider how you will be treated before going somewhere.

India is famous for its system of casts where social status defines the worth of an individual. And I’ve watched enough Bollywood movies to know that Indians have a problem with colorism (light skin obsession). So I sort of expected to receive the anti-blackness treatment before going there.

I am used to being stared at whenever I travel, but I think it’s ironic that the people who were looking at me were often just as dark skinned as me! Maybe it was my curly hair that caught their attention, but they were quite curious. Here are a few examples of how I was treated as a black woman in India :

• Someone said my hair was the most beautiful they had ever seen! It’s always nice to hear, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them the Faux Locs weren’t my real hair. If you’re reading this now I’m sorry!
• I was getting a Chai in Hyderabad when a waiter asked Daniel if I was a “Pop star”! That came as a surprise because he didn’t ask me directly. Weird flex but I’ll take the compliment.
• As cliché as it might sound, I bought KFC chicken popcorn (which I was trying for the first time) at the airport. I had barely sat down to enjoy it, when an indian man approached me and asked for a picture. I automatically said yes, thinking he wanted to be on the picture with me. Next thing I knew he was taking a full pic of me WITH the chicken, said thank you, and left. It went so fast that to this day, both Daniel and I still don’t get what happened. He better not be bragging about how he caught a typical black girl eating chicken!

People were staring at Daniel as well. He got school girls waving and giggling at him from a bus. He is very white after all, so he stands out a lot. Or could it just be that he’s good-looking? Nah. I should mention that I could tell that Black Girl Magic had some effect on a few guys I met. You know how women notice these things…

Overall, in my 10 days traveling while black in India, I have not received or dealt with racism. However, it might be useful to add that I never went anywhere alone, which sometimes help.

Being a mixed race couple in India

I want to mention this because I feel like there isn’t much information online. There is a difference between traveling alone as a black woman and traveling with a white partner.

I would have to visit the same places twice to really experience the difference in treatment (if there is). In India, we were cautious and rarely did any PDA to try blending in. As a black and white couple, sure, we received attention, but weren’t mistreated at any point of time. My bride and groom who are a white and Indian couple experienced nothing negative either, but curiosity and kindness.

Finally, as part of my experience being a black woman in India, I had to take advantage of indian beauty. I couldn’t leave the country without buying myself clothes, bangles and most of all, Indian hair products. Oils, powders, creams, whatever you have in mind, you name it, I bought it. I can tell you (now that I’ve used the products) they’re definitely worth it and cheaper. I also got a pedicure and my eyebrows trimmed for the experience.

My first experience in India was sugarcoated

As far as I’m concerned, I had a wonderful time in India and I’m grateful for attending an Indian wedding. I certainly wished there was less traffic in Mumbai and had more time to see the sights. Daniel was amazed by this out of comfort zone experience and how friendly and generous he was treated.

He also said he saw a form of “dirt, poverty and scamming” he had never seen in Europe. Some say traveling to India can be challenging. However, we were 100% comfortable during the whole trip: emotionally, financially and physically!

Let’s face it, we were invited to several dinners, got to eat out, party at the club, and mostly traveled by plane and with Uber to really nice places. We even ate at a place called “the club for the privileged”. Apart from seeing beggars on the street when driving around, we didn’t visit poor neighborhoods or walked on the streets to meet poverty or dirt!

I am lucky to have seen that side of India, but my experience made me hungry for more. I am sure the country has much more to offer and that Mumbai and Hyderabad don’t represent the entire country. And next time, maybe being a solo traveler will allow a more authentic journey as I visit other parts of India.

Now you know everything about my first trip to India. Have you been there or ever attending an Indian wedding? This post was long but I really hope it was helpful to someone. Are you planning a short trip to Mumbai, traveling while black, or going to an Indian wedding? I’d love to hear about it!

The Author / L'Auteure

Jane

I’m a twenty-something french-african digital marketer passionate with travel, video games, technology. I write about my experience as a woman, as a black woman, as a woman at work, as a black woman at work, as a black woman who travels… Well, I think you get it, and I hope you can relate to my stories because I write to empower and inspire other women to share theirs.

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