I already explained in a French podcast why I left France for Germany. I do not regret my choice, but I have to admit that there are real cultural differences between the two. I feel like I finally have some legitimacy to talk about Germany since I have left Paris for the Bratwurst country for over a year now. Although I do enjoy the local life, the scenery, the cost of living and its simplicity, there are a few experiences I could have gone without as a Parisian in northern Germany!
Actually, I arrived in Germany shortly before the Covid-19 pandemic, which made my adventure a little more difficult. Also, I was living in northern Germany, which has nothing to do with the hectic, innovative and multicultural Berlin life we hear so much about. I have always been fascinated by the “Deutsche Qualität” we see in the media, so it only rekindled my desire to live there. So far be it from me to discourage any future expats, but here are my adventures as a black Parisian woman in Germany, hoping that my experience will provide insights, assuming you want to go there.
The German administration is hell
It’s not just an impression: everything takes forever! Sometimes it feels like the Germans haven’t gone digital at all! Administrative procedures are still largely paper-based. That was a shock for me considering I am used to doing everything online.
For example, I had signed up for a Visa Premier card with an international option on purpose, for flexibility and everything, just to make sure I never have any trouble when I am abroad. Turns out, it’s useless in Germany! Some merchants refuse to charge your bank card or only accept cards from a specific bank account, the Giro account. It took me four months to get one, between deadlines and going back and forth to the post office. In Germany, cash is king!
Another example: my phone plan. The existing online offers are so unclear that I ended up going to a store where prices range from 40 to €50 per month for a 15 GB plan. While waiting to find a solution, I was living with a 3 GB prepaid plan for €14.99 I had to top up. While in France, thanks to the revolution of the company Free, I had a 50 GB plan for €19. No need to tell you that I went back to a French plan. It went that far! One thing I know for sure: when you speak little German, it is best to leave these things to someone you trust. I, Miss Independent, had to rely on my German partner’s help to speak for me. Very frustrating.
Is it better to be alone than in bad company?
I worked for six months in Germany with mostly German coworkers. And although my experience has been positive, I have failed to forge more than professional bonds with my former colleagues. Maybe it was I who got too paranoid because of my experience with a toxic coworker. But I never had the impression that my colleagues wanted to keep in touch. Work wise, I was the most playful and most talkative. Perhaps to my disadvantage.
From what I understand, Germans grow up and stick with their usual circle of friends. For example, my partner’s friends pointed out the fact that they didn’t need to meet new people because they already have their childhood friends. I find it touching but unfortunate at the same time for people like me who actually visit to meet new people. Interacting with Germans also made me realize that, like the French, they are not very comfortable speaking English. They are courteous and speak English in the early evening but quickly return to their mother tongue the rest of the time. And even helpless, I can’t really blame them because I know that many French people (Parisians anyway) do the same.
That said, the pandemic didn’t help make contacts. If I still wanted to meet people outside my boyfriend’s family and friends (which is okay for like two minutes), I had to take matters into my own hands. After a little research, I found a Facebook group in English for foreigners living in my city. That’s how I started chatting and hanging out with the people from that group. Which is unfortunate because it reduces interactions with Germans and increases the language barrier. I like to learn new languages! I am fluent in English, Spanish and speak some Mandarin, but I really have trouble with German.
Not so easy to get used to the German way of life
What with this obsession for brötchen (bread rolls) morning, noon and night? Personally, I don’t like eating the same things over and over again. And while I love the baguette, I couldn’t stand to eat it again and again every day. I also have the impression that the German food lacks diversity. Apart from the sausages and the excellent Roulade made by my partner’s mother, I have noticed that the Germans use quite a bit of industrial products. Supermarkets offer many pre-made products for cooking a sauce, or even making a cake. But they still need to be opened on Sundays!
On another note, can we talk about waste management ? Now I fully support recycling and sorting waste. And I know I’ll be told I’m exaggerating, but I hate having to wait two weeks to put my plastic waste in the trash. And yes, I understand that the German Government has put in place strict measures to encourage less waste generation. But what should I do with the garbage from the past two weeks? Well, it’s not ideal, but I’d rather go through it than get a €1000 bill for neglect or be kicked out of my apartment. Because yes, apparently it can go that far.
Being a black woman in northern Germany
Unsurprisingly, I am the most embarrassed about how difficult it is to find Afro products, probably because I don’t live in Berlin, Cologne or Hamburg. Certainly, Cantu, a hair products brand, has joined the Rossmann store chain (German drugstore), which is an evolution compared to France. But finding the appropriate makeup or a hair salon for specific care and cutting my ends is not easy. There are Afro salons for doing braids or other hairstyles, but none dedicated to hair care. And even though the German hairdressers try to be reassuring, I can see in their eyes that my hair scares them no matter what they say. And I don’t want to take any chances.
After more than a year in Germany, I am happy to say that I have never experienced any racism or racial assault. It’s normal, you say? I don’t know. To be honest, I had very few opportunities to actually interact with Germans outside my usual circle: I speak little of the language and I stayed at home most of the time given the health situation. Once, I was alone at the train station, waiting for my partner, and the police officers who approached me thought I was a prostitute. That’s about one of the few times I’ve faced a potentially racist behavior. I leave that to your own conclusions. But other than the daily stares in the street and subway (which is apparently a thing in Germany), there is not much to report. A German woman confessed to me that I was well off in the north, as racist attacks were more frequent in the east.
That said, that did not stop my boyfriend’s circle to ask me specific questions, regarding my skin color, such as “Can you sunbathe? Can I touch your hair?”. I also witnessed normalized racist remarks towards Turks who seem to be the blacks and Arabs of Germany (although the latter are also discriminated against). While I could ignore silly questions, I couldn’t contain my dissatisfaction at the unapologetic racism of some. What, just because I’m black, I shouldn’t be offended? This is not how anti-racism works.
Can we talk about German conformism?
Needless to say, it’s hard for a Parisian not to cross the street before the light turns green. It gives me cold sweat sometimes. I obviously try not to do any incivility, but but it looks like there is a pressure and collective judgment against the people who do them. From what I understand, Germans favor common good over private good. Which makes sense, but but that’s not the case in France where people value their personal freedom.
What if I decide to take out my trash the day I shouldn’t? What if I am only available on Sundays to mow my lawn? What if I take my time to pick up my groceries at the store checkout? What happens then? I saw people panicking, and I was even urged to hurry so as not to interfere with the cash register, like I was five years old. It may be more about my personality than cultural differences, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Germans have stressed lives.
Obviously, I am generalizing from my experience. But sometimes I wonder if German conformism is not a consequence of historical facts. I am under the impression that there is a culture of guilt that wants to prevent any potential excess. And if all those facts are indeed linked, the “Deutsche Lebens Qualität” (German quality of life) would only be propaganda.
After reading this, chances are you will be more disgusted than overjoyed at the thought of living in Germany. But I wanted to share my experience regarding the facts that made my expatriation difficult. There are obviously a lot of positive things to experience and discover in Germany, such as the multitude of landscapes, feeling safe as a woman, the greener way of life and even simply working in Germany. Not everyone is as cringe as me. By the way, say in the comments all the positive things you’ve experienced in Germany. In my case, it’s serenity, and that is priceless.
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